I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
