That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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