I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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