I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm at about main and main street
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion