Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.