She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me