this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Houston, we have a squirter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.