I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask