sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think about you every night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"