Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and she was petting her beer can
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
