Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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