That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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