I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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