I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize