So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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