I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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