She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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