I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
