Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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