He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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