Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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