you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
