She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
