well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't notice because vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
