I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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