But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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