Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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