she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention