a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it