Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed