so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
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i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.