i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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