You made me cry and you don't even care
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
