There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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