The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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