They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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