I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize