2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I smell stomach acid.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
