I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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