Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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