Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you guys were way drunker than both of me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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