ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize