I just gift wrapped bread.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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