hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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