So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
