We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho