i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
