Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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