tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize