maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
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watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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