when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think a kid would responsible me up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize