Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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