My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
