The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can't turn off my feet"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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