grandma shit on top of the toilet
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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