how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
