When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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