oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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